After a hard day of bureaucratic work, you might enjoy a bed-time gothic thriller:
A crime has been committed.
The country has been robbed in one of the greatest ripoffs and dirty deals in modern industrial history. And in the commission of the crime, the nation’s largest and most socially minded corporation was defiled and destroyed.
A department of forensic accountants, sleeping soundly in a dark, clear night with crickets chirping vigorously all around in the bog in which they have camped after a long, fruitful day of team-building and sharing exercises, mysteriously begins to stir. One accountant bolts upright in her sleeping bag and puts on her glasses.
So why was Ma Bell attacked? Who is to blame for the rape of Ma Bell? At whom can we point the finger?
“Something’s just not right,” she mutters to herself in the dark. Listening carefully, she hears sounds of others moving.
A federal reguatory authority, usurping state powers, ignoring its mandate to protect the public interest. …
Some government lawyers who saw a chance to make a reputation.
A press that failed to inform the public.
A Bell System management that was derelict in mounting an effective public information program.
“I hate to wake up my co-workers,” she reminds herself, “but this is an extraordinary situation. Something’s happening.”
Uncontrolled connection of terminal equipment
Destruction of end-to-end responsibility
Disregarding of the National Academy of Sciences panel’s warnings and recommendations
FCC’s Computer II decision depriving customers of modern services and stalling technological progress
Destruction of the integrated network [*]
Groping, stumbling, blindly crawling in different directions, the department finally manages to come together for a meeting around a recently filled-in hole at the center of the damp ground where they set up camp. A quiet tenseness hangs over them like a dense fog.
“Something’s happening,” she finally says quietly but firmly. Dead silence. “Are you sure?” ultimately responds the Senior Accountant who has only 312 more days of work until retirement.
Then everyone starts talking at once. “How do we know?” “Everything will be ok.” “Don’t get upset, don’t get worried, don’t get nervous. My mobile is auto-dialing the police. The second the fog lifts, the phone will get enough bars to connect. Oh, I should have switched to a service provider with better coverage!” “I use T-Mobile.” “Let’s just go back to bed.” “Mind if I go to the bathroom?” “Not on my tent!” “If we just stick together, we’ll be all right.”
And then, dear reader, you fell asleep. Bureaucrats are impervious to attack and have no fear of change.
In other bureaucratic news, a true horror story from David Kassel at the Accountable Strategies blog:
Many terrorist groups, such as al-Qaeda and Hamas, have organizational structures that look like any bureaucracy, Helfstein says. They are staffed with financial, operations, and strategy officers, and even public relations personnel. Computers and hard drives seized by counterterrorism officials often contain bureaucratic forms outlining standard operating procedures.
If terrorists start acting like bureaucrats, they will be invincible.
Minoru Morita reports that government bureaucrats in Japan are scared. He quotes a governnment bureaucrat saying:
Lately, when I meet government officials, they seem a little tense. They’ve been feeling this way ever since people starting realizing political change could occur, especially once the Democratic Party of Japan started talking about dismantling the bureaucracy and the mass media joined in the bureaucrat bashing. If the DPJ wins, it will join with the media to bash the bureaucrats even more.
The mass media cannot be serious about bureaucrat bashing. Bureaucracy is the foundation of all civilizations. It will endure as long as civilization endures.
Dave E. at Fish Fear Me observes that one must trust bureaucrats because laws are written incomprehensibly. Convoluted, obscure, and baroque laws form the basis for a meritocratic society. Those who study laws the most thoroughly are the most successful. Bureaucracy and meritocracy are thus closely related.
Aguanomics features an excellent discussion on bureaucrats. Consider this insightful comment:
The term “bureaucrat”, like “salesman” or “lawyer” carries a negative connotation these days; yet we rely on these people, and can be very very well served by them. I just returned from 3 days touring the Hetch Hetchy system in a group largely composed of what would be called bureaucrats. I came away very impressed with their dedication, pride, and professionalism. Theory dictates that monopoly agencies staffed with civil service employees should become stultified backwaters. Yet, many people in government or agency jobs really are driven by a commitment to lead a useful life, and to serve society.
This is a good example of the many intelligent and highly perceptive comments found on blogs, YouTube, Twitter, and many other fine internet sites.
That’s all for this month’s Carnival of Bureaucrats. Nominations of posts to be considered for inclusion in next month’s carnival should be submitted using Form 376: Application for Bureaucratic Recognition.
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[*] Above quotes from Constantine Raymond Kraus and Alfred W. Duerig (1988), The Rape of Ma Bell: The Criminal Wrecking of the Best Telephone System in the World (Secaucus, NJ: Lyle Stuart) pp. 12-3, 14, 187.