Solomon's wisdom on loving and serving in Decameron 9.9

As in Solomon and Marcolf, counterparts structure Decameron 9.9.  In Decameron 9.9, Solomon utters enigmatic wisdom on loving and serving.  Loving and serving were key issues in forming  the brigata, the group of women and men that tell the Decameron’s stories.  Solomon offers his wisdom to paired wisdom-seekers.  The counterpart to Solomon and to the brigata in fitting together loving and serving is the Decameron’s reader.

loving and serving: stone couple from Sierra Leone

In Decameron 9.9, two men, Melisso and Giosefo, happened to meet while traveling along a road.  They were both going to seek Solomon’s wisdom:

Solomon’s exalted reputation for miraculous wisdom had spread to practically every corner of the earth, and it was well known that he was incredibly liberal in sharing it with anyone wishing to verify it in person {and} many people would flock to him from all over the world in order to ask his advice about their most pressing and perplexing problems. [1]

Giosefo’s problem was with his wife:

{Giosefo} was off to seek Solomon’s advice on how to deal with his wife, for she was the most stubborn, most perverse woman alive, and he could not make her budge from her contrary ways by means of prayer or flattery or anything else.

Melisso’s problem was with his neighbors:

I spend my money giving banquets and entertaining my fellow citizens.  Any yet, the strange and curious thing about it is that despite all this, I’ve never found anyone who wishes me well.  And that’s why I’m going … to get advice about what can be done to make people love me.

Solomon dispensed wisdom like a busy professional seeking to maximize case processing fees.  Melisso entered Solomon’s office and briefly recounted his problem.  Solomon said “Love.”  Melisso was then immediately ushered out.  Giosefo was then processed similarly, except Solomon said “Go to Goosebridge.”  “Love” is abstract advice.  “Go to Goosebridge” is a highly particular directive.  Neither advice is closely related to either Melisso’s problem or Giosefo’s problem.  But Solomon’s paired advice is generally related to loving and serving, as are Melisso and Giosefo’s paired problems.

A pair of sayings in Solomon and Marcolf provides insight into the counterparts in Decameron 9.9.  The common context is agonistic, explicity in the former work and implicitly in the latter.  In Solomon and Marcolf, Solomon challenged Marcolf to a contest of wisdom.  In Decameron 9.9, Solomon welcomed persons seeking to “verify” his wisdom.  In Solomon and Marcolf, Solomon declares:

The Lord gave me wisdom in my mouth, such that no one is like me in all the ends of the earth. [2]

Marcolf replies:

He who has bad neighbors praises himself. [3]

Solomon’s statement is a first-person rephrasing of second-person and third-person biblical characterizations of Solomon.  Marcolf’s response chides Solomon’s self-glorification with an allusion to the Christian commandment, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”  Solomon’s brusque wisdom service in Decameron 9.9 similarly isn’t consistent with loving service.[4]

Emilia, who narrates Decameron 9.9, introduces the story in a way that aligns her and women with serving in the counterparts of loving and serving.  Emilia begins Decameron 9.9 with a travesty of Ephesians 5:22-33:

Amiable ladies, if the order of things is viewed from a sound perspective, it will quite quickly become apparent that Nature, custom, and the laws have decreed that the vast majority of women are subservient to men and must be controlled and governed by them at their discretion.

Licisca knew better about women’s power.  The stories of Day 7, and the near-suppression of them, also provides a better window into social reality.  Just two stories earlier on Day 9, Pampinea told the story of Talano and his wife:

She was more beautiful than all the rest, but surpassed them even more in being irritable, obstinate, and ill-tempered to the point that she utterly refused to follow other people’s advice and never approved of anything anyone else did.  All this was a heavy burden for Talano to bear, but he put up with it since he had no choice in the matter. [5]

Emilia incoherently described Pampinea’s story as motivating her story:

I have been led to make these observations {the travesty of Ephesians 5:22-33} — though it is not for the first time — by what Pampinea said a little while ago about Talano’s obstinate wife to whom God meted out the punishment her husband was unable to visit upon her.

Talano did not seek to punish or hurt his wife.[6]  Emilia’s claims about “Nature, custom, and the laws” contrast sharply with the nature, behavior, and legal privilege of Talano’s wife.  Emilia’s claim that women should serve men out of fear of punishment describes service without love.

The paired narrative conclusions in Decameron 9.9 don’t unifying loving and serving.  Returning home, Giosefo and Melisso happened upon a muleteer brutally beating his mule at Goosebridge.  Giosefo concluded that Solomon meant to advise him to beat his wife.  Giosefo brutally beat his wife.  His wife then compliantly served Melisso and Giosefo the dinner that they wanted.  Neither Giosefo’s nor his wife’s actions express love.  When Melisso returned home, he told a wise man of Solomon’s advice.  The wise man explained:

He could not have given you a truer or better piece of advice.  You yourself know that you don’t really love anyone and that you do all that entertaining and all those favors for others not because you feel for them, but simply to show off.  You should love, therefore, as Solomon told you, and then you, too, will be loved. [7]

Melisso followed the wise man’s advice and came to be loved.  Melisso loving others is just a different tactic than he serving them meals.  Decameron 9.9 ends with Giosefo being served by his wife and Melisso being loved by his neighbors.  Those endings, like Emilia’s introduction, don’t realize a Christian understanding of unified loving and serving.

The ridiculous figure of Solomon and the entanglement of the brigata in Decameron 9.9 pushes forward the reader as a counterpart.  Solomon’s advice to Melisso and Giosefo paired abstract ideal with specific directive.  The reader must fit together loving and serving across that range, but more convincingly and more clearly than Solomon did.  The reader must fit together the paired wisdom of Ephesians 5:22-33, from its abstract allegory to its real social context, as Emilia did not.

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Notes:

[1] Giovanni Boccaccio, Decameron, Day 9, Story 9, from Italian trans. Rebhorn (2013) pp. 739-40.  Boccaccio, like Dante, chose numbers deliberately.  The numerical symmetry of 9.9 is a detail consistent with the theme of putting together counterparts.  All subsequent quotes, unless otherwise noted, are from id. pp. 738-43.

[2] Solomon and Marcolf,  1.6a, from Latin trans. Ziolkowski (2008) p. 55.  Cf. Proverbs 2:6, 1 Kings 3:12, 4:29-34, 10:24.

[3] Solomon and Marcolf,  1.6b, id.  Ziolkowski’s commentary notes a parallel with Egbert of Liège (born c. 972), Fecunda ratis, forward, 723-4, from Latin trans. “He praises himself, whom the neighborhood does not caress, and the man who has no renown hates neighbors forgetful of him.”  Id. p. 123.  For the Christian commandment, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” see Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:30-1, Luke 10:27, Romans 13:8-10, Galations 5:14.

[4] The Christian ideal of loving service is prominent in Jesus washing his disciples feet after his triumphal entrance into Jerusalem. John 13:1-15.  That ideal is rooted in Hebrew scripture.  Deuteronomy 11:13 pairs loving and serving: “loving the Lord your God, and serving him with all your heart and with all your soul.”

[5] Decameron, Day 9, Story 7, from Italian trans. Rebhorn (2013) pp. 730.  Talano’s lack of choice suggests that he could not legally divorce his wife.  Even if he could divorce his wife, he may have faced unrecognized de facto discrimination that made such action impractical.  In the U.S., men initiate only about 30% of divorces and face family courts highly biased against men.

[6] Talano said to his wife:

Wife, although I’ve never had even one good day with you because of your ill temper, all the same I’d still be sorry if anything bad happened to you, and therefore, if you’ll take my advice, you won’t leave the house today.

Id. p. 731.  Unlike Decameron 9.7, the Archpriest of Talavera described how to use a wife’s recalcitrance to advance the husband’s interests.

[7] Status-seeking, self-interested generosity is a subtext of Decameron 10.3.

[image] Couple (mahen yafe style), probably sometime from 14th to 17th century, stone, Sierra Leone, in a private collection.  My photograph of the sculpture on display in “Visions from the Forests: The Art of Liberia and Sierra Leone” at the National Museum of African Art, Washington DC, through Aug. 17, 2014.

References:

Rebhorn, Wayne A., trans. 2013. Giovanni Boccaccio. The Decameron. New York : W.W. Norton & Company.

Ziolkowski, Jan M. 2008. Solomon and Marcolf. Cambridge, Mass: Harvard University.

Queen of Sheba riddles Solomon about Indian medical knowledge

Queen of Sheba meets King Solomon

The Queen of Sheba journeyed to Jerusalem to test with hard questions King Solomon’s famed wisdom. Usually the king tests the wisdom of visitors to his court. The Queen of Sheba challenged King Solomon’s authority in both ruling and knowing.[1] In subsequent history of southwest Eurasia, the Queen of Sheba’s political-intellectual challenge extended to encompass conflict between Greek and Indian medical knowledge.

While the Queen of Sheba’s hard questions don’t appear in the biblical account of her visit to King Solomon, ancient rabbinic literature told of specific riddles and challenges. The Midrash Mishle (Midrash on Proverbs), probably written sometime from the eight century to the first half of the eleventh century, records two riddles and two challenges:

  1. What are they? Seven depart and nine enter, two give drink but only one partakes.
  2. What does it signify? A woman says to her son, “Your father is my father. Your grandfather is my husband. You are my son and I am your sister.”
  3. {distinguish between clothed male and female children who look alike}
  4. {distinguish between clothed circumcised and uncircumcised males who look alike} [2]

These riddles and challenges concern fundamentals of human life: procreation, family relations, sex, and tribal affiliation. They aren’t politically particular.

The Yeminite Midrash ha-hefez, written about 1430, records the riddles and challenges in Midrash Mishle, plus an additional fifteen riddles. The additional riddles are similar to those in Midrash Mishle. Here are the first three additional riddles:

  1. Who was neither born nor died?
  2. What land has seen the sun but once?
  3. What is the enclosure with ten gates? When one opens, nine are shut. When nine open, one is shut. [3]

Other additional riddles concern specific knowledge of Hebrew scripture. Rabbis might pose such riddles to each other. They don’t indicate contrasting authority in ruling and knowing.

Early thirteen-century Armenian translations of the twelfth-century Chronicle of Syrian Patriarch Michael the Great includes riddles of a rather different sort. The context is the visit of Queen Nessa to King Solomon:

To {King Solomon} came Nessa, the queen of a southern realm, {who was} said to be descended from the line of Noah’s daughter, Aster. {She came} from a place in the south where, to this day, women descended from the patriarch Noah rule. {Solomon}’s reputation for wisdom attracted her and she tested him with enigmatic questions, some of which we have provided here. [4]

Queen Nessa seems to be variant name for the Queen of Sheba.[5] The first three riddles of Queen Nessa have similar themes to the first two additional riddles in the Midrash ha-hefez. But then come two much different riddles:

  1. {Queen Nessa’s question:} Why is it that an Indian woman who eats pomegranate ceases to conceive? {Solomon’s answer:} The nature of the pomegranate is cold and wet and the country of India is hot and dry. The Indian woman is cool and moist. Consequently, when elements of the pomegranate and the woman merge, contrary to the nature of the country, then women no longer can become pregnant.
  2. {Queen Nessa’s question:} Why does an Indian man become sterile after drinking wine? {Solomon’s answer:} The nature of the wine is dry and hot, and it induces sleep. The same may be said for {the nature of} mankind. Thus when a man drinks often, he become impotent. [6]

The reasoning in the first question above, applied to the second question. would make the Indian man potent: he is hot and dry, consistent with the hot and dry country of India. The answers to these riddles are themselves a riddle.

The riddle of Indians’ procreative difficulties seems to be political. The qualitative scheme of cold/hot and wet/dry was used in ancient Greek medicine. Under Caliph Harun al-Rashid in Baghdad late in the eighth century, Yahya ibn Khalid of the Indian Barmakid family became vizier. Yahya had Indian medical works translated into Arabic. One of the translated Indian works was “a book on topics on which India and Rome have differed concerning the hot and the cold.”[7] Proponents of Indian medical knowledge and proponents of Greek medical knowledge competed aggressively within al-Rashid’s court. Syriac Patriarch Michael the Great’s sources are much more likely to be aligned with Greek knowledge than with Indian knowledge. Other of Queen Nessa’s riddles emphasize monotheism and hostility to foreign gods. The two riddles on Indians probably ridiculed ancient Indian medical reasoning about hot and cold. The most obvious evidence for that slant is that both riddles present impotent Indians.

The Queen of Sheba’s encounter with King Solomon wasn’t just a story. Like Marcolf’s encounter with Solomon, the story participates in disputes about knowledge. Story-telling was an aspect of knowledge competition.

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Notes:

[1] For the biblical account of the Queen of Sheba and King Solomon, 1 Kings 10:1-13. The Qur’an has an account of the Queen of Sheba in sura 27:22-44. In Arabic literature, the Queen of Sheba is often called Bilqis. Riddles and hard questions occur between persons who are strangers to each other. In Numbers 12:6-8, the Lord says to Moses:

When there are prophets among you,
I the Lord make myself
known to them in visions;
I speak to them in dreams.
Not so with my servant Moses;
he is entrusted with all my house.
With him I speak face to face —
clearly, not in riddles ;
and he beholds the form of the Lord.

Cf. 1 Corinthians 13:12.

[2] Midrash Mishle, from Hebrew trans. Lassner (1993) p. 162. The answers are:

  1. “seven are the days of the menstrual cycle, nine are the months of pregnancy, two {refers} to the breasts that succor and one to the child born {who drinks form them}”
  2. “the daughters of Lot”
  3. “Solomon signaled to his attendants and they brought him nuts and grains which he began to spread before the youngsters. The males, who were not embarrassed, gathered them and placed them in their garments. The females, who were modest, placed them in their headdresses.”
  4. “Solomon immediately signaled to the High Priest who opened the Ark of the Covenant. The circumcised bowed down to half their height and at once their faces were lit with God’s radiance. The uncircumcised among the group fell fully prostrate.”

Id.

[3] Midrash ha-Hefez, trans. id. pp. 163-5. Schechter (1890), which transliterates the text as Midrash Hachephez, provides the Hebrew text and a similar English translation (with the answers). The riddles probably came from written rabbinic sources from long before 1430. Ahmad ibn Muhammad al-Tha’labi, an eleventh-century Islamic scholar, recorded in his work Lives of the Prophets that the Queen of Sheba (Bilqis) presented this riddle to Solomon: “I wish to ask you about {drinking} water which is neither in the ground nor in the skies.” Solomon’s sensational answer, “the sweat of horses.” The Queen of Sheba pronounced that answer correct. Trans. Lassner (1993) p. 200.

[4] Chronicle of Michael the Great, Armenian version, trans. Bedrosian (2013) p. 28. Neither this text nor the riddles are in the sole surviving Syriac manuscript of Michael’s Chronicle.

[5] The surviving Syriac manuscript of the Chronicle includes information about the kingdom of Saba (Sheba):

a certain Egyptian named Sanos waged war against the Cushites. He was surnamed Athanophos that is, the Cushite. He became the third leader and ruled for 60 years. He allied himself to the Libyans, waged war against Saba, and killed him. His daughter, called Saba after her father’s name, succeeded him. She ruled for 40 years. Aristocholos mentioned that she engaged in many wars and triumphed. Therefore, women became accustomed to rule and lead armies into war there.

From Syriac trans Moosa (2014) p. 41. The Armenian version doesn’t include that history. It seems meant to explain the existence of the Queen of Sheba. The pre-Islamic Arabic texts Kitab al-Magall and the Cave of Treasures similarly note a dynasty of women rulers in Saba. In the Syriac version of the Cave of Treasures, see Budge (1927) p. 136 (the fourth thousand years).

[6] Chronicle of Michael the Great, Armenian version, trans. Bedrosian (2013) p. 28.

[7] HP p. 601, from Ibn Abi Usaybi’ah entry for Sanjahal, who was “among the finest Indian medical experts and astrologers.” HP p. 600. Al-Razi drew upon this work. Another Indian medical work translated into Arabic was “a book on the treatment of pregnant women in India.” Id.

[image] Meeting of Solomon and the Queen of Sheba (detail, color enhanced), Apollonio di Giovanni, Italian, Florence, c. 1440-1450, Tempera on panel. Yale University Art Gallery, object 1871.36. For discussion of visual art representing the meeting of the Queen of Sheba and King Solomon, Ostoia & Kajitani (1972).

References:

Budge, E.A. Wallis, trans. 1927. The Book of the Cave of Treasures. London: The Religous Tract Society.

Bedrosian, Robert. 2013. The Chronicle of Michael the Great, Patriarch of the Syrians. Long Branch, NJ: Sources of the Armenian Tradition, online at rbedrosian.com

HP: Ibn Abi Usaybi’ah, Ahmad ibn al-Qasim. English translation of History of Physicians (4 v.) Translated by Lothar Kopf. 1971. Located in: Modern Manuscripts Collection, History of Medicine Division, National Library of Medicine, Bethesda, MD; MS C 294. Online transcription.

Lassner, Jacob. 1993. Demonizing the Queen of Sheba: boundaries of gender and culture in postbiblical Judaism and medieval Islam. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

Moosa, Matti, trans. 2014. The Syriac Chronicle of Michael Rabo (the Great): a universal history from the creation. Teaneck, N.J.: Beth Antioch Press.

Ostoia, Vera K. and Nobulo Kajitani. 1972. “Two riddles of the Queen of Sheba.” Metropolitan Museum Journal 6: 73-103.

Schechter, Solomon. 1890. “The Riddles of Solomon in Rabbinic Literature.” Folklore 1(3): 348-58.

loving and serving in forming the Decameron’s brigata

a man entertains five women in the Decameron's brigata

In the midst of a terrible plague, three young men entered a church.  Seeking “solace, sweet beyond measure,” they hoped to catch a glimpse of the ladies they loved.  After all, what else would men do in the midst of a terrible plague?

The men’s beloved ladies were in the church in a group of seven ladies.  Those ladies had decided to leave the city.  They had decided that they needed worthy men to guide them and serve them.  Then the ladies saw the three men.  The ladies briefly debated the men’s merits.  The ladies:

unanimously agreed that the men should be called over, told about their intentions, and asked if they would like to accompany them on their expedition. [1]

The men “stood gazing at the women.”  Perhaps the women summoned them, and the men felt unworthy to approach.  The men apparently were sensitive to being mocked by the ladies.  In any case, Pampinea, who was a blood relative to one of the men, sprang into action.  She went over to the men:

After giving them a cheerful greeting, Pampinea explained their plan and asked them on behalf of all the women if, in a spirit of pure, brotherly affection, they might be disposed to accompany them.

What more could any men want than having a two-week country vacation “in a spirit of pure, brotherly affection” with women they intensely love?  Surely Boccaccio and other men of his time guffawed at that.  Today, in our time of greater ignorance and less freedom of thought, some incorrigibles still know enough to laugh at men being friendzoned.  The rest of today’s readers don’t perceive the mockery:

At first the young men thought they were being mocked, but when they saw that Pampinea was speaking in earnest, they replied happily that they were ready to go.

Boccaccio surely was mocking the young men.  They “saw” Pampinea “speaking in earnest.”  They were “ready to go” … in a way.  Inability to perceive such mockery helps to sustain the gynocentrism that operates underneath socially constructed belief in male dominance.

Boccaccio’s playful, ironic introduction to the men and women of the Decameron’s brigata critiques misunderstanding of Christian loving and serving.  The women seek from men not love but service and praise:

Remember, we are all women, and every one of us is sufficiently adult to recognize how women, when left to themselves in a group, can be quite irrational, and how, without a man to look after them, they can be terribly disorganized. … man is the head of woman, and without a man to guide us, only rarely does anything we do accord us praise. [2]

The phrase “man is the head of woman” comes from Ephesians 5:22-33, a favorite passage among misandristic mis-interpreters.  A sex dichotomy structures that passage in Ephesians:

Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church…. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her …. husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies.

Christian scripture makes clear a unitary imperative that women and men, husbands and wives, should love and serve one another.  In addition to pointing to a “great mystery” of divine creation, the Ephesians passage in its pastoral sense suggests that wives were more likely to fall short in service to their husbands, and husbands, in Christian love for their wives.  Ephesians counsels women to serve men.  That’s significant to the Decameron’s women seeking men to serve them.  Ephesians counsels men to love women.  That’s what the Decameron’s men were already doing, at least in the dolce stil novo.  The men were friendzoned because they failed to recognize the women’s lack of appreciation for reciprocal love and service.

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Notes:

[1] Giovanni Boccaccio, Decameron, Day 1, Introduction, from Italian trans. Rebhorn (2013) p. 18.  Subsequent quotes, unless otherwise noted, are from id. pp. 17-19.  The seven women and three men formed the group (brigata) that narrates the stories of the Decameron.

[2] Readers have typically failed to understand the women’s demand for men’s services.  The women made the plans to leave the city.  They sought men to guide them in the sense that rich Westerners seek Sherpas to guide them on their quest to summit Mt. Everest.

[image] John William Waterhouse, A Tale from the Decameron; 1916, oil on canvas, in the Lady Lever Art Gallery.  Thanks to Wikipedia.

Reference:

Rebhorn, Wayne A., trans. 2013. Giovanni Boccaccio. The Decameron. New York : W.W. Norton & Company.

COB-94: bureaucratic software tools

With the increasing prevalence of cyber-attacks, leading bureaucracies are implementing new layers of software protection.  Advanced bureaucratic security software prevents employees from installing any software on a computer or loading any data on the computer.  The software also prevents employees from transferring any data or files from a computer.  Printing is also forbidden.  Use of USB drives and DVD readers/writers is disabled.  Nothing can be connected to the computer.

Bureaucratic security software includes protection against unauthorized computer users.  After every 100 keystrokes or 3 minutes (whichever comes first), the computer locks and the screen is blanked.  To unlock the screen, the employee must enter a password containing at least 20 characters, with at least one uppercase letter, at least one number, and at least one character from the string !@#$!!.  In addition, the employee must touch the screen with her middle finger for fingerprint two-factor authentication.

To prevent worms from infecting applications, each application has a whitelist of tasks that it’s authorized to run.  If an employee attempts to use the application to do a task that’s not on the whitelist, the application locks.

bricked computer provides ultimate in cyber-security

In level-two security mode, the power cord of the computer is disconnected.  Then nothing typed on the keyboard can get into the computer and no hostile processes can run on it.  Given the threats that now exist, many leading bureaucracies now advise employees to keep computers in level-two security mode.

At leading bureaucracies, planning is now underway to port project management software to computers in level-two security mode.  State-of-the-art bureaucrat project management software has important features:

  • Task hierarchy to the 50th level, with customizable color coding
  • Gantt-like dependency visualization with intelligent, machine-generated recommended voice directives
  • Template-based for repetitive tasks, with a large library of special-purpose, pre-coded templates that can be easily invoked
  • 100% accurate Velocity tracking, with full capabilities for velocity simulating and forecasting
  • single-click Gmail calendar integration, with simultaneous posting to multiple Facebook accounts
  • iPhone, iPad, and Android applications (Blackberry no longer supported) that enable continuous multi-manager monitoring and development of project management schema

The project management software will be ported to computers in level-two security mode using a paper-based interface.  The plan for the port called for an industry-standard software framework.  Unfortunately, the tool-building factory factory factory hasn’t yet been ported to paper.  Management responded by directing the development team to use AngularJS for the port.  The status of that project is currently unknown.

In other bureaucratic issues this month, Sydney Brenner declares that academy and publishing are destroying scientific innovation.  Academy and publishing rank just below militaries in bureaucratic power.  They should be commended for helping to protect society against the risks of innovation.

ProPublica reports that leading tax-preparation software seller Intuit has extensively lobbied against simplified tax filing.  Two issues should distinguished: the complexity of tax laws, and the organization that helps taxpayers comply with the tax laws.  More complex tax codes are an important bureaucratic achievement and deserve to be supported.  What organization should assist taxpayers is simply a matter of cost-benefit analysis.  The IRS is a better bureaucracy than Intuit and offers service at lower cost to taxpayers.  The IRS should provide tools for taxpayers to make simplified tax filings while the tax code gets ever more complex.

Brian Chesky, CEO of the entrepreneurial monster Airbnb, set up a meeting to focus on Core Values.  Setting up a meeting is always a good idea.  Chesky went one step further and issued a memo before the meeting.  The cover sheet of the memo hasn’t been made public, so it’s difficult to evaluate its merit.  But the more memos that are issued, the more output a company has produced.  The key idea of Chesky’s memo is “Don’t {censured} up the culture.”  That’s wrong.  Companies that aspire to be world-class bureaucratic leaders must continually up the culture of bureaucracy.  A good start would be to have custom-made pens and staplers with “Up the culture!” emblazoned on them in your company’s colors.

That’s all for this month’s Carnival of Bureaucrats.  Enjoy previous bureaucratic carnivals here.  Nominations of posts to be considered for inclusion in next month’s carnival should be submitted using Form 376: Application for Bureaucratic Recognition.